This eclipse hit me extremely hard. Being that one of the last articles that I wrote was on the 29th degree, spurred on by my own 29th Aries Moon, I have been living the lesson of “we teach what we most have to learn.” Well, just a couple of days after I wrote that, I walked straight into a glass door on the way into an NCGR meeting (no blood, no break, thank goodness). I still didn’t stop going hard. The Uranus station and eclipse energy had me going going going, even through exhaustion. Uranus stations or when otherwise prominent mundanely or in my charts usually puts me in a high-anxiety mode, or at least super high energy. The approaching Doozy Full Moon Eclipse on top of that created the perfect conditions for me to burn out, and I did. I just couldn’t sleep, and so kept staying up later and later, pushing myself harder and harder, and by the time morning would come, I was so wired that I had to lay down, and eventually crashed, not being able to wake again until the sun went down. My mind was going a zillion miles a minute, and my astral self doing so much work while my 3D self was doing so much work (mostly very intense study, and correspondence) that I barely could keep enough food in my stomach to prevent it from growling all the time. I was on full-throttle. Eventually I burned out totally, and that was this past day or so.
And, sometimes that happens. Aries does that. It’s just how we roll. It’s OK. But a time must come to rest.
Another witchy astrologer worth checking out, Dianna the AstroArtist, just wrote on her Instagram page yesterday, “transformation is supposed to be hard.” When I read that, I paused, and said to myself, “wow, that’s so right.” So much wisdom in that one sentence. We must recognize when we have to slow down and stop and let the process take over. Sometimes we resist transformation, and that resistance actually causes more effort. It’s OK to let go and admit that we don’t know. There are natural processes that are doing the work for us. Especially now, in Winter. This is time to conserve energy. If a battle must be fought, or we must exert, then, fine. But, turn off the full throttle. You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders. Now is a time to listen to Bear Medicine.
I am historically no good at resting, instead, working hard even when in bed and sleep or sick clothes, through the winter, without giving myself enough pause (paws?). Anyone who knows me well has seen that I don’t quit until I get hit, and even then, I’ll keep going. That isn’t necessarily a good thing; sometimes it is, but, often, it’s to my detriment, because I’ll keep going through hits until I either get reamed, or, someone who is trustworthy, gentle, and deeply loving can calm and hold me down in Spirit. I confided these things, though much more detailed, to a good friend, a strong Taurus woman, who knows just how to stop me from spinning hard, and she sent me a most beautiful calming email that brought me to tears upon my waking today. As the tears came an overwhelming sense of peace and calm came over me. This happening while waking during the day for the first time in a while, and to a day so warm that I can open my windows and air out my space, well, I needed this.
I feel finally like I can recover from the “spiritual battle” I had been in for a week straight. I had been having so many “downloads” and nonstop Gnosis that I was bound to not be able to sustain it, but a soft net, a soft web if you will, made my fall, or my “Soul’s Descent into Body” as my friend jbuss puts it when he writes about Uranus in Taurus, felt like a warm cocoon. And of course, I my dream this morning was of just that:
I dreamed before waking today of being in my childhood bedroom, and waking up there. Above me was a dense spiderweb with 3 huge pale yellow spiders. But, they were cocooned, as though they were caterpillars, or they had caught themselves in their own web. They were hanging low and I was afraid of them. I rolled out of bed to avoid them, and they retreated much closer to the ceiling after I did that. I was a teen still in the dream, and woke up with that intense anxiety that hit me every day in that time, that I was going to be late for school. I decided that I did not care, and was not going to go. It was not until a bit later that I realized that it was hot, summertime, and there was no school. Yet, the anxiety had already changed my chemistry, and the heat of the summer was oppressive.
I accept that I am in an incubation. I accept “going under” in order to recover. I accept processing my deep subconscious web. I accept not knowing what I will be when it is time to crawl out of this cocoon.
My card reading yesterday told me that this is a temporary respite (4 of Swords, Truce) appeared, but, hell, I’ll take it. If I fight that hard, I deserve to rest that hard, too. Real recovery of the soul rest, because this coming Vernal Equinox is another Doozy. Accepting this respite, and the care of my Sister Friend, I quietly cried out some very old pain that needed to leave me, and then when I had the strength to leave my bed, made tea with Chamomile and Rosemary, and local honey with organic milk. Both herbs are gentle and cooling. Chamomile is good for the Soul and heals the inner Sun in a very soothing way. Often it is used as a “night time” herb to sleep, but, it is not a lunar herb. It is a Solar herb ruled by the Sun. Take note! It very gently restores lost energy in the Solar Plexus and the Soul itself. Perhaps that is why people use it to sleep: because it helps us restore.
And then, when I opened my shades, look what I found:
These are Rosemary seedlings that I planted last June. Rosemary grows ridiculously slowly. And, only about a couple of weeks ago, these two were half the size they are now. They shot up basically overnight. That, to me, is such a reassuring sign of new growth, that when we wait, and let nature take its course, things grow at their own pace.
We must allow ourselves to rest when it is time to rest. We have been, and will continue to be, fighting many battles. Internal battles, astral battles, and for some of us, and more every day, battles in our 3D worlds. Things are changing in unprecedented ways. Look around. Not news! Those of us who are true warriors know this. This eclipse was very rough, yes, and it is over. We’ve gone through the Dragon and have come out the other side. Back to regularly scheduled programming now. Whew.
In comparison to the eclipse, the new Saturn-Pluto cycle, a 35 year cycle that is being initiated as I write this doesn’t even feel so bad. In fact, it feels welcome. It’s a new beginning. I thought it was going to feel like a “white knuckle,” but over here it doesn’t feel like that at all. Rather, it feels like a seed that has just been planted. Well, that’s what a planetary initiation of a new synodic cycle is. And, I admit that I may not be feeling it as directly as some others are, because Capricorn is my 6th house, which makes it in a Quincunx to my Ascending house, and therefore my Sun because my Sun and Rising are the same. Quincunx in traditional astrology is an aspect that “can’t see” itself. It is also a “health/illness” aspect though, which explains a lot of my fatigue. In more contemporary terms we view it as a “curiosity” aspect, a “not knowing.” Of course, the Capricorn planets are affecting other parts of my chart, including Moon, but, that my Sun and Ascendent “can’t see” what is going on there, perhaps I am dodging a lot of the more nasty effects, as far as my immediate experience goes. It’s affecting me, but in a sort of way where I can’t really pin it down or identify it well.
If you’re in tune with this stuff, you’re feeling the transformation too.
I am taking this opportunity to “go inside” more, and focus even more on my self-care. I tend to be able to write at length very easily, but more simply comes very difficult to me. I don’t write for myself much, instead being performative in my writing (Mercury in Leo with a partile trine to MC). But, I have received repeated advice to do so, to make very simple notes, whether key words, or questions, or things I notice, to explore some of my personal Quincunx issues for example. Not looking for answers per se, just to acknowledge what is going on in my mind, without trying to analyze it. And this requires, guess what…. slowing down.
Especially with this waning moon. In the Old Ways, our work is mostly done for the month. Now, we rest and receive, or wind down. This is the ancient Lunar rhythm. In our “modern times” we have forgotten this, but we must remember. Our life depends on it. And, we will remember. Let’s remember together.
Venus enters Pisces in a couple of days. This will allow us to drift a little easier, but, will contribute to our “not knowing.” Instead, we’ll be Feeling. Pisces is the Hanged Man. Jan of Angelpaths (a fantastic website that specializes in Thoth Tarot, and from a Female perspective, which more uncommon, and extremely valuable, in the world around Crowley’s Thoth) writes the following mantra for Hanged Man: “I pause. And in pausing, I see differently.”
Venus is the Mirror: we see ourselves through our own desires, and our relationships with others. Myself, I have no notable Pisces in my natal chart. I do have Venus in Cancer, also a water sign, and in the 12th house on top of that…but Pisces itself, already a mystery, is even more mysterious to me, and is my 8th house besides. I project that I will be doing a lot of personal reflection and unconscious work during this time. Pisces is Mutable Water: we will be reflecting and relating (Venus) on our deepest feelings (Pisces) and through that we can move on to the next phase (mutable).
In this hall of mirrors it is a challenge to find our own face
But if we acknowledge what we see, and really embrace it,
it’s easier to be in our place.
May you find peace in this time, reader. Love yourself today.